The Top 12 Facts About "The Most Interesting Man in the World"

The Dos Equis man, an upstanding gentleman whom we all revere and love, has continually amazed us and earned the title “The Most Interesting Man In The World”. He is one of the most astonishing and venerated Elite gentlemen in the world. He exudes class through his suave demeanor and is the definition of an Elite alpha male.

This wonderfully dressed man is the pinnacle of a ladies man as well as an extremely successful actor. We composed a list of the 12 most interesting facts about the most interesting man in the world. After reading this list you will either want to emulate his lifestyle or possibly even bear his child.

12. He once was married to Kim Kardashian for more then 72 days. And he wasn’t of African descent

(Kim Kardashian managed to only be married for 72 days and she is known for only dating men of African descent)

11. He gave Eve the apple. Because they were hungry after sex.

(Eve is known for reaching from the tree of life and eating a apple she was forbidden to. She couldn’t reach it thus he helped her.)

10. He once blocked a field goal from the bench.

(In football after a team scores, they attempt a kick for a extra point. It is highly unlikely to block one of these and impossible for a mere mortal to block it from the bench. Fortunately, he’s the Dos Equis man.)

9. Steve Jobs just Fedexed him a iPhone 5. Yesterday.

(Steve Jobs has passed away a few months ago so fedexing something is impossible. However, the Dos Equis man is not inhibited by the limits of mortality.)

8. He once woken up on the wrong side of the bed. It’s better known as world war one.

(World War 1 was known as a war that started because of tension in Europe. Despite the horribly inaccurate accounts in history books, we have discovered that it was truly a battle of the Dos Equis man eradicating the belligerent Central Powers.)

 

7. His father had a vasectomy… he was still born.

(Vasectomies prevent a man from ever dispelling semen from his body, making it impossible to impregnate a female. However, the Dos Equis man knows no limits and transcended the futile attempt.)

6. He once owned a hedge fund on Wall Street and caused the 2008 market collapse. 

(The market collapse in 2008 sparked what is known as the “Great Recession”. Despite claims of the housing market being the root, thorough research by our staff has found that the collapse was actually started when the Dos Equis man decided to withdraw his inconceivably massive wealth from the financial markets.)

 

5. A picture is worth a thousand words. His is worth a firstborn son.

(The Dos Equis man is so iconic and handsome that snapping a photo of him will instantly result in the death of your firstborn son.)

4. Kanye West once gave him an award that he received.

(Kanye West is known for his tirades at award shows. The Dos Equis man commands such respect that even the pompous West deemed it fitting to acquiesce to his request for his award.)

3. He is the reason why Mona Lisa is smiling. 

(The Mona Lisa has an incredibly cute smile to her as if someone just intrigued her. The Dos Equis man is the inspiration behind that smile, infiltrating her mind prior to his own birth.)

 

2. Adele’s album was based off their relationship.

(In Adele’s chart topping album she sings her heart off about an ex-boyfriend she once had. The true source of her heartbreak was our hero, the Dos Equis man.)

 

1. He lost his virginity minutes after his circumcision. 8 days after being born.

(The Dos Equis man has unimaginable healing powers, capable of recovering from the direct impact of a nuclear explosion in a mere nanosecond. For a mere mortal, it is nearly impossible to even be functional after a circumcision. The Dos Equis man accomplished this feat after a mere 8 days of conquering this effete planet.)