Decoding: Her Disclosures

As you Elite are surely aware, disclosures are statements that mention full vulnerabilities of the situation at hand. Many utilize these in a variety of scenarios as a warning preceding an upcoming embarrassing situation or statement. We find that best, most humorous self-disclosures are the ones offered by females while either trying to create or protect their constructed image.

You might be wondering why we consider these disclosures to be so hilarious, but as you’ll find below, it’s almost certain that you already agree with us. It’s very simple—The disclosures offered up by women are often so outrageously false that we can’t help but be humored.  They use these preceding statements to alter the mindset of the other party so they are not judged or thought of in a poor light after their questionable activity. Disclosures are supposed be honest statements with integrity that clearly state all vulnerabilities and ensure that all parties are on the same page. In our days of chasing women around the globe, we have encountered some rather interesting, clearly false disclosures.

Disclosure #1: “I’m not a whore”

Of course, we had to start off with the most common disclosure of all time. The simple, “I’m not a whore” is a mere four words, but almost always masks an enormous lie. You are likely to hear this when you’re engaging a less than wholesome female as she’s either unzipping your pants in the Provocateur bathroom or sprawled across your bed with your penis in her hand. You will also hear this one when she is teasing you beyond belief.

What she truly means is that indeed she is that she might as well be Mary Magdalene. The only reason she is making this statement is she knows she’s had far too many encounters like this at this point and is hoping to make herself feel better about this lascivious behavior. Think about it. You didn’t ask her about her level of promiscuity, but she decided to share that regardless. Why? It’s certainly not because she’s a nun, buddy. She’s basically saying it to feel better about her self due to the pounding she is about to receive. Chances are she is a whore.

Disclosure #2: “I wouldn’t do that to her”

This one is classic and we have heard it on countless occasions. “Her” is oftentimes referencing her best friend and you’re the one caught in the middle of this dreadful scenario. You’re probably dating “her”, but also want to acquire her good friend—who clearly seems to be exhibiting some level of interest. Every time you two are getting rather close and you feel that you will accomplish this feat, she will slap you with the disclosure that she would never do that to her friends.

Most likely, she actually will do it and is just making the statement to alleviate her feelings of guilt and spin the scenario so that it seems like it occurred solely upon your initiative. She knows deep down inside any minute she is going to bang her best friend’s Elite boyfriend. She is essentially explaining that she might not do this often, but you are certainly an exception.

Disclosure #3: “Were only doing this one time”

The classic one time line. You are certain to hear this lie once you’ve gotten her to cheat on her beloved boyfriend. She will explain to you that this act of adultery is only happening once and that it shall be unemotional sex. Once again, she is saying this just to feel better about herself and we are almost certain that you’ll have a few encores.

Disclosure #4: “He’s just a crazy ex-boyfriend”

One of our all time favorites here at Elite. It has happened time and time again where we have encountered scenarios in which a mysterious and infuriated man proceeds to bombard your phone and social media as if he was robbed of his first born child.

Of course, when faced with these reports of crazed messages and allegations of infidelity the women will surely put on a performance worthy of an Academy Award. The simple and cliche response will always be the infamous disclosure of, “he’s just a crazy old ex”. Beware of this one gentleman as we have seen extreme cases in which that “crazy ex” was not necessarily an ex-lover, but rather her fiancé.

Chances are if he is only referred to as “just a crazy old ex” she still has feelings for him. Furthermore, if they’re still communicating often enough for him to get your contact information chances are extremely high that they’re still sleeping with each other. Be cautious and don’t take on baggage. The squeeze is not worth the juice.

Disclosure #5: “I hate her she’s so trashy”

This one is a classic. If you have ever heard a girl proclaiming this one, then chances are she is extremely jealous of the individual that she is referring to. In all actuality she would love to be her because of all the attention and love she is able to command. Don’t fall for this spider trap. The biggest misnomer you can achieve with this disclaimer is to disagree with the statement. If you are ever caught even saying the girl she is talking about is attractive,  you will truly never ever hear the end of it. The statement will be used against you during all times of crisis for as long as your relationships lasts.

As we can see these self-disclosures don’t hold much validity to them as they are just statements that girls use to make themselves feel better about the situation and to try to manipulate men. Don’t buy it if you ever hear these statements negate them and inverse them and then you will have the truth.

Elite.