Athletes That Could Definitely Kick Your Ass

It’s late at night and you’re walking through an unfamiliar neighborhood. As you continue to lose your sense of direction, an uneasy feeling sweeps over you. Your amygdala begins to shoot off warnings in your head. You continue to trudge on, wary of whatever unknown dangers lurk around you. Before you know it, a right turn has you staring at the outline of an intimidating figure.

You can’t see the face, but it’s blatantly obvious that this person is not interested in playing the Good Samaritan and providing you with directions. Your racing mind begins to comb through the worst-case scenarios for this mystery man’s identity.

Who is the last person on earth you would want to encounter in a dark alley? Since I’m not well versed in the actions of the world’s most notorious, volatile criminals, I thought about the professional athletes I would least want to engage in a physical altercation.

James Harrison

The outside linebacker for the Pittsburgh Steelers cannot be considered a gentle man by any means. Harrison’s style of play is infamous for its extreme physicality. In fact, this Steeler was fined $125,000 for various uses of excessive force in 2010 alone. Consider Roger Goodell a brave man for having the cajones to even reprimand this Man-Beast.

Would you really want to fight this guy? After being fined for an absolutely heinous hit on Mohamed Massaquoi in 2010, Harrison threatened to retire because he claimed he didn’t know how to play any other way. Think about that for a minute. He almost stopped playing football because he didn’t know how to not cause concussions.

James, while the NFL Commissioner may look down on your style of play, I want to thank you for providing endless Youtube clips of dudes getting jacked up!

Ron Artest AKA Metta World Peace

Did you really expect anyone else? I know Ron-Ron has mellowed out since his Indiana days, but that still doesn’t mean you should play with fire.

The Pacers vs. Fans brawl remains a dark spot in the NBA’s history. Artest and Stephen Jackson did the unthinkable when they rushed into the stands and began throwing fists.

The craziest part of it all: Artest assaulted the wrong guy! The man who took the majority of the beating (an instant claim to fame as well as a trip to the hospital) just happened to be sitting near the fan that threw the beer and sparked the powdered keg.

However, that still doesn’t change the fact that when a 6 ft 7 in, 260 lb professional athlete wants to fight you, the best course of action is to yield…immediately.

Sean Avery

At 5 ft 10 in and 195lbs, Sean Avery is certainly not the most physically imposing athlete on this list. However, it’s the ways in which Avery chooses to utilize his standard frame and his questionable decision-making that qualifies him for the most feared list.

There is little doubt that Avery is quite close to bordering on insanity. But, for the purposes of this list, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s always the crazy ones that you want to avoid in a scrape.

Avery is known as one of the stingiest and most aggressive defenders in the NHL. During the 2003-2004 season, Avery led the entire league in penalty minutes! He’s always had a propensity to brawl and on certain occasions, sucker punch. Just ask Joey Mormina about that last one.

If that wasn’t enough, Avery was arrested in 2011 and charged with Battery on a police officer after a drunken struggle at his home. Obviously tough guys are always going to bump heads with people. However, common sense would suggest that you try and avoid fighting cops. I guess Avery just wasn’t afraid of the repercussions… or maybe too intoxicated to understand them.

Carlos Zambrano

Carlos Zambrano has always been known as a bit of a hot head. He’s been suspended on four separate occasions for his less than stellar behavior. But, a few specific incidents are what really jettison him into the category of badass.

It’s not totally uncommon for athletes to get caught up in the heat of the moment and engage in a physical dispute. However, those moments of tension usually occur against the opponent. This was not the case for the 270 lb right-hander.

Zambrano and former teammate Michael Barnett exchanged heated words during a game back in 2007. The two had to be forcefully separated. But, tempers exploded once they both reached the clubhouse, with Zambrano landing some damaging blows. Barnett had to be taken to the hospital and given six stitches!

If Big Z is willing to do that to a teammate, there’s no telling what he’s capable of against someone he really wants to hurt. The trepidation accompanied with fighting this livid behemoth is completely justified.

Anderson Silva

Anderson “The Spider” Silva knocks people out for a living so it’s no wonder why he made this list. Currently riding a 10-fight win streak, Silva is largely considered the best pound for pound fighter in the world.

What separates Silva from the rest of the MMA world is his devastatingly effective striking. The man’s feet, legs and hands most likely qualify for “Deadly Weapons.” With complete domination of the middleweight division and a couple wins at light heavyweight, Silva clearly knows how to handle a variety of opponents.

The simple fact is, whomever Dana White puts in front of him is going to endure a severe amount of pain. His knockout highlights on Youtube are enough to send shivers down my spine.

While all of the athletes on this list are known as fierce competitors within their respective sports, it is off the field where we least want to interact with them. If you’re ever feeling like a tough guy when one of these real men are in the vicinity, I recommend backing off.

Brandon Katz | Elite.