The 10 Most Dangerous Places to Have Sex

At Elite Daily, we like to think outside the box, and we’re sure just like the vast majority of the population you have gotten extremely bored exchanging passions in a plain old, four cornered bed. You have most likely decided to broaden your horizons and taken the more dangerous route, acting on pure impulse and canal lust, and having sex in risky locations like airplanes and moving cars.

It’s our job to ensure that if you take a risk, it’s a well calculated one with minimal chance of error. We’re going to explain where the most dangerous places to have sex are so there are no unforeseen consequences to your spontaneous sexual endeavor.

10. Sofa

That’s right. Little did you know that dangerous sex happens right at home. Research shows most sex-related injuries take place on the sofa–a.k.a. the place you probably lost your virginity. We might not be necessarily talking about life-threatening injuries, but the quickest way to some serious couch burn is taking your lovely lady love to the sofa for a quick in-out. As we all know, couch burn sucks!

9. Moving Car

Your road head fantasy is pretty dangerous and can wind you in a hell of a lot of police trouble. Can you imagine it feeling so good that you, losing feeling in your toes, decide to close your eyes for a few brief seconds when you bust? With 6.5 million car accidents every year, this is hardly a recommendable course of action. A little fender bender could put Mr. Happy out of commission permanently.

8. The beach

Sex on the beach is so popular some jerk named a girly drink after it. Actual sex on the beach might not fuel your adrenaline addiction, but it will feed your need for dangerous sex. Find a lady into exhibitionism, head down to the shore, start knocking boots… and get infected with whatever disgusting bacteria lives in the water. God knows what might be lurking in the sand of some of these beaches. Even worse, she’ll blame you, tell her friends that you gave her a STD and you won’t get laid again for years. On top of that, you’re almost guaranteed to have to handle a woman with sand in her vagina. Who wants that?

7. Adult Arcade

Every city of any size has an adult arcade. This is a porn store with booths in the back. Sex in these booths isn’t just allowed, it’s encouraged as long as you keep feeding the meter. Still, you aren’t the first person to have sex there this hour. That stuff on the floor isn’t mud–it’s weeks of congealed, scary sex slime.

6. The woods

Two words: Bear attack. Can you imagine having sex in the woods and a bear getting jealous and wanting to jump in on it? Yeah, sounds like a nightmare, so it’s prudent to avoid lovemaking amongst wildlife.

5. Your girlfriend’s mother’s house

It doesn’t really matter how old she is, she’s still the girl her father bandaged up after falling off her bike when she was six. No matter how accustomed to you and his daughter having sex her father is, it’s a whole different ball game returns home to his den and sees you raw-dogging her on his desk. You might actually get shot.

4. The supply closet at work

Oddly enough, this is the tenth most common place for sexual injuries. You might pull down a rack of pens onto yourself or, even worse, you might bang your head against a shelf and get a concussion. You could also find you career ending rather abruptly when you get discovered by your boss, who’s sure to fire you. In any case, the supply closet isn’t the wisest place to go looking for a lunchtime quickie.

3. The internet

We know you sometimes get lonely when your girl is out of town. Sometimes, hopping on Skype and having a wank together is the closest you can get. If she records it, however, remember that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. You’re not Colin Farrell or Ray J–when your sex tape hits the web, you won’t be able to laugh it off and move on to your next movie deal.

2. The shower

Shower sex is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. One elite member managed to accidentally power bomb his girlfriend after slipping on soap while having a slippery shag. Another almost got a concussion after the towel rack he was holding as support popped out of the wall. The injuries that shower sex can cause are by far the worst possible.

1. Foam Party

Number one: You’re in a big pit of foam with promiscuous college students. Number two: Remember what we said about the beach? Number three: There’s no Gardasil for men. Add all this up and you’ve got a big fat “DON’T DO IT, BRO.” The amount of diseases you’ll contract in that foam is far beyond what your mind could comprehend.

Bonus: Sky diving

The dangers involved in this one are more than self explanatory. We here at Elite would never tell you what you can and can’t do, but you probably should never do this.

Elite.