The Kardashian "Kurse"

Curses are said to be just myths, urban legends or illusions that people have invented through overactive imaginations. Through extensive research our team has conducted, we have successfully been the first to prove the existence of a curse. This is indeed no illusion, and we have factual evidence to articulate our point. We would like to call the curse a “Kurse”, because it is not just a myth, and also to fit the name of the first curse afflicted family.

What is the “Kurse”, might you ask? It is in regards to the Kardashian Sisters being the kiss of death for every man they have ever dated. Any man unfortunate enough to have dated or copulated with Kim or Khole has seen his life descend into chaos and oblivion. Their men of choice have been mostly athletes, and each one of these athletes has seen his career and quality of life plummet after having the kiss of death from a Kardashian Sister.

This video below helps further articulate our concept of the curse in such a fashion that it will truly leave your jaw on the pavement.

We sympathize with these aspiring gentlemen who may have been on the path to Elite greatness. The victims of this “Kurse” have been innocent men with some of the most promising careers we have ever seen. It is truly a shame that it had to come to this. The victims of the succubus, Kim, are Reggie Bush, Christino Ronaldo, Miles Austin, Kris Humphries and Ray J. As for her sister, Khloe, her victims are Lamar Odom and Rashad McCants.

We shall start with the most popular of the sisters, Kim. Here is a list of her boyfriends and an analysis of the affect of the Kurse.

Reggie Bush

One of the greatest talents to ever come out of college football was a speedy, powerful young man in Reggie Bush. He was the recipient of the coveted Heisman Trophy and drafted by the New Orleans Saints in the first round of the NFL draft, where he played a notable role. The young man had untapped amounts of potential in his career as was one of the most explosive running backs to ever play the game.

Reggie had a promising rookie season and met all of the expectations of his coaching staff and fans in the NFL. With many proposed endorsements from various brands banging down his door, the man was on his way to be one of football’s greats. This was until the unfortunate moment in 2007 when he acquired the “Kurse”

In his rookie season, which was prior to the fatal mistake of dating Kim, he had 6 rushing touchdowns. By 2010, only a measly three years later, he had 0 touchdowns and tore his ACL.

They dated for about 3 years and most of their frivolous relationship was documented on reality TV. During that spurt, Reggie’s football career went terribly wrong. He wasn’t performing to his ability and kept getting pushed down on the depth chart. He was dropping passes and fumbling and ultimately blew out his knee the same year the Saints won the championship. Something about that female anatomy just drained the life out of him—like a true succubus.

Miles Austin 

A wide receiver with some of the greatest talent we have seen in a while, the Dallas Cowboys wide receiver had a promising career in front of him, but saw it all diminish at the drop of a dime. After his short romance with Kim, he just hasn’t lived up to his performance of season’s past. Once again, his extreme drop in ability is directly correlated to his time spent with the demon, as the curse intensifies in power over time.

Before dating Kim he had 1,040 receiving yards on the season. The following season he had 504 receiving yards—less than 50% of his prior performance.

Kris Humphries

An exceptional young man from Minnesota with some great basketball talent, the honest young man was duped by Kim to engage in a reality TV staged wedding. What he didn’t realize is that this was a ploy so that her bank account could grow off his and for energy to feed her succubus body. After their short lived, 72-day romance, he has been booed at every single arena he has played in and has seen his stats go down as well. Truly a tragedy for such a young man.

Cristiano Ronaldo

One of the most famous soccer players on the planet and the closest comparison to David Beckham to date, Ronaldo scored almost 200 goals in his career and was known to be one of the most lethal scorers in his early career, which has solidified his greatness. But, of course, with the “Kurse” bestowing upon him we haven’t seen him play up to par and he has been perpetually plagued with tragic ankle injuries that have sidelined him.

Ray J

This man had everyone’s favorite song a few years back–that being “One Wish”, of course. With a bright R&B future ahead of him, it seemed as if nothing could stop this young man who already was well connected as the brother of the Grammy winning Brandy. A testament to his singing ability, he has sold more then 1 million records worldwide as well. However, ever since his sex tape release his music career has been nonexistent.

Lamar Odom

Lamar, as we all know, is Khloe Kardashian’s husband. Before this tragedy of a relationship Lamar Odom was one of the best 6th men in the league–averaging close to 17 points and 10 rebounds every night. He had also won two championships with the Lakers. All of this success has rapidly disintegrated as he was traded to the Dallas Mavericks and is averaging a measly 7 points a game.

Men lie, women lie, but numbers don’t–and the proof is in the pudding with this Kurse. It is safe to say that dating a Kardashian is career suicide with the kiss of death from one of these illustrious sisters. Our only prayer is that Jeremy Lin doesn’t fall victim to this career ending temptation.

Elite.