How To Apologize Like A Man

In a world where the word “sorry” has completely lost its meaning and value, men must continually craft their approach to apologizing. This is not necessarily because they don’t mean it, but just because we tend to make mistakes more than anyone would have ever anticipated. We live in a culture that loves getting retribution through another saying sorry. From Tiger Woods to Elliot Spitzer, and Chris Brown to Bill Clinton, “apology voyeurism” has become a peculiar passion of ours.

Even though all of us — Elite or pedestrian — reluctantly make poor choices from time to time and need to apologize, almost no one apologizes in a way we feel is correct. Saying sorry is like poetry and proper timing is everything. So before you walk back into your bedroom at 8:00AM with your infuriated girlfriend awaiting you, lets perfect the process. With all the proper, improper, half-assed and oftentimes incredibly lame attempts at apologizing in the media, we offer a 10-step program on how to apologize like a man:

Don’t apologize to just appease the other party.
Your team at work completely fumbled a project and as the director you must take the brunt of the punishment. Sure, it’s easy to point the finger to the next in line, but man up. You are the director and your job is to oversee. Stop delaying: A tactful apology is the swiftest way to clear out the negative air and move forward. Apologies are a game changer. You don’t offer an apology because you actually mean it or because you’re completely admitting your fault, but due to the fact that it is necessary and will change the dialogue and the dynamic.

Don’t be too obviously condescending and actually apologize.
Being too defensive during your apology will only bungle your attempt. Attempting to apologize and justify yourself in the same breath will lead you nowhere and only continue making you look like a complete dunce. It is important to recognize fault, but also to acknowledge the negative repercussions on the people closest to you. What everyone searches for during a great apology is empathy. By taking into account the feelings of others it will enable the apology to be authentic.

I’m sorry for sleeping with both of them, I understand how terribly it has impacted you.

Swallow your pride
The main reason it’s so difficult for men to say sorry is because their ego will always command attention. Men are stubborn regarding the revelation of their faults and vulnerability. Fearing that apologizing will make them look weak, men will oftentimes shy away before admitting they were wrong. By accepting full responsibility you will be viewed as a leader, so suck it up and apologize like a man. You’ll be far better off than you were before.

Digital apologies are not for men
By releasing strategically placed emails/postings/text messages attempting to convey your deepest apologies, you will only come off as a complete imbecile too afraid to stand behind his own words. When it comes to saying sorry, the written word will never match a spoken one and your avoidance of a direct response is tantamount to cowardice. To add insult to injury, by sending out digital messages during odd hours you will only look very creepy and desperate. There is nothing creepier than getting a 7-scroll text message at 2:00AM containing emotional content. If you buckle under pressure of a face-to-face meeting, at least man up and pick up the phone. Under no circumstances are you to apologize via email or text.

Tell The Whole Truth
What’s worse than not apologizing? A half-assed apology. If you only give up the partial story, you will be forced to go back through this painful process yet again once your indiscretions are revealed in their entirety. Get out all the emotions and grievances in this one shot. Don’t let this thing linger.

Shut up.
Being honest and sincere in your apology is completely different than going overboard by sharing too much information. Be tactical and apologize only to those who were directly impacted. The worst thing that you can do on your end is to keep bringing it up and reliving the nightmarish circumstances commanding your apology. No one likes an individual who keeps harping over the negative. Apologize, then burn it down and walk away. The whole point is to move past your error as quickly as possible.

Forgiveness is far from instantaneous
Even the best apology might not work at first. Don’t be rattled by a less than enthusiastic response. After all, you did screw up big time — again. You can’t control the other person’s reaction or emotion, but regardless that is not your job. If you’ve done wrong, accept the associated backlash. If they’re still angry, you have no choice but to try to understand where they’re coming from and move on.

Back to business as usual
Whether you’re Tiger Woods or Michael Vick, returning to the job will only help you find the path back towards normalcy. By choosing to avoid the point of impact and hiding out until things cool over, people will be led to speculate that worse things are occurring.

If the ones you love leave you, deal with it
The “Stand by your man” ethic is a long gone practice in the 21st century. If you dropped the ball big time, pray you signed the prenuptial or she’s taking you for half. In today’s society we see it as being cruel and classless to make a woman endure your wrongdoing under circumstances like infidelity.

Time heals all
It might take some time, a lot of alcohol, and a couple of GFE escorts to get you through this, but rest assured there is always sunlight after the storm. No one ever said forgiveness was free. Be patient and try not to go off of the deep end, redemption and new beginning are on the horizon. Consider it as an opportunity for positive self-re branding.

Elite.