Julie Wells Featured on Close-Up Talk Radio

Irvine, CA – None of us really enjoys fighting with our  romantic partner, yet why do we do it again and again and again? Saying things we don’t really mean and feeling horrible afterwards, whether we feel like we won the fight or not? Julie Wells, a Marriage, Family Therapist Intern in Irvine, California claims  the answer lies in “Attachment Theory”. 

According to Wells, when we have a secure attachment with our partner, there are all kinds of wonderful benefits. For example, more open, direct communication styles, the ability to ask to get our needs met, more creativity and greater brain power. Secure bases are sources of protection, energy and comfort.

As we begin to feel that attachment to our partner is in threat, predictable behaviors will result from this separation distress” explains Wells. “ Either a person protects the self (perhaps by shutting down) or  tries desperately to connect (sometimes becoming overly emotional).

Though the number of fights increases and the content may change, this negative cycle remains in place. Once a couple is able to break out of their cycle, they can communicate from softer emotions, rather than the reactive emotions of anger, frustration and anxiety.

“It’s a matter of redefining a happy relationship as a secure bond,” says Wells. “It doesn’t mean you never argue. It doesn’t mean there aren’t conflicts. You find a way to resolve those issues and make a commitment to your relationship.”

In her sessions, Wells employs the acronym A.R.E, which stands for ‘Accessible,’ ‘Responsive,’ and ‘Emotionally Engaged.’ It’s about knowing your partner cares about your feelings and you can confide in them about anything. If you can say yes to all three, says Wells, you have a secure base.

“There is nothing like seeing a couple come to your office feeling helpless and watch them become securely connected again,” says Wells. “It gives me the best feeling in the world. I know this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.”

Close-Up Talk Radio will feature Julie Wells in a two-part interview with Doug Llewelyn on May 24th at 12pm EST and with Jim Masters on May 31st at 12pm.

Listen to the show www.blogtalkradio.com/closeuptalkradio. If you have a question for our guest, call (347) 996-3389.

For more information on Julie Wells, visit http://www.juliewellstherapy.com

Julie Wells (MFTI#67654, supervised by Patrick Healey, Ph.D.)