Cheating: Women Just as Likely as Men

My impression about marriage is, or was, that men are the ones who ruin marriages by cheating.  That’s what the movies tell us.  So do Dr. Phill and other pop Psychology gurus.  The assumption is that women are the victims.  While men run around wrecking their marriages by being uncontrollable horn dogs.  Men are lecherous and can’t be trusted – right?  Actually it’s true.  Men do cheat a lot.  Women, however, cheat just as much, according to a report by Psychology Today magazine from February.  In an experiment done on committed monogamous couples, Men reported being much more willing to cheat than women.  However, when it came time to actually follow through on a date, when given a chance, women were just as likely as men to actually do it.  In other words, Men seem to be all talk and little action, and women seem to be the opposite.  The net result?  Nobody gets a pass.       

Other interesting facts:       

10% of kids are being raised by men they think are their father’s but aren’t.       

Women are most likely to cheat when they’re ovulating.  During ovulation they become more attracted to traditionally masculine traits:  muscular, socially dominant guys with strong jaw lines.  Some women engage in a dual mating strategy.  They settle down with the dependable, maybe nerdy guy, while seeking out a more fertile man for sex outside the relationship.       

Tall women cheat more than shorter women.  The reasons for this are unknown, but some scientists say it’s because tall women have more testosterone.       

Men with high self esteem cheat more than men with low self esteem.  Women, on the other hand, with high self esteem cheat less than women with low self esteem.       

Attractive women are more likely to cheat thanks to the hormone estradiol, a fertility indicator that attractive women typically have more of.       

When women read a fake news story about there being a surplus of single men in town they became less satisfied with their partners and more willing to cheat.       

Who’s to Blame?       

When marriages get ruined everybody involved looks for someone to blame.  Cheating is easy pickings.  Our society tells us that cheaters perpetrate not only a social injustice, but also a sin.  Cheaters are, when discovered, automatically vilified.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting it’s right to cheat.  I’m saying it’s wrong to blame the cheating and nothing else.  Infidelity doesn’t have to be just of the sexual nature.  Emotional issues within a marriage could create an atmosphere of infidelity completely independent of sex.  I don’t, out of hand, blame the cheater.  When marriages break up, there’s plenty of blame to go around.  Cheaters just make easy targets and provide convenient cover for other misdeeds.  Divorce is a messy process where sides line up against each other and do battle.  In the heat of the fight people play dirty, and cheating is a metaphorical howitzer.  It’s an automatic win unless the other side can find something bigger.  Is there anything bigger than cheating in our society?   

I contend that cheating is, in most cases, a biological as well as psychological impulse.  Infidelity is often described as being a personality trait of morally corrupt people, and that might sometimes be true.  It is also true that a good person can lose the will to remain faithful because of other circumstances.  Most of us, under the right conditions, might do just the same thing.  Are there people who look for excuses to cheat?  Yes.  Are there people who never should have been married in the first place? Yes.  There are bad people looking to do bad things but who occasionally do good things, and there are good people striving to do good but who sometimes succumb to the bad.  Who is the woman you married?  Is she a cheater or is she someone else who just happened to cheat?