The most important preparation for parenthood takes place in the context of the parents’ relationship. Expectant couples who are unhappy and have difficulty working out their differences continue to be poor problem solvers with unrealistic expectations after the baby is born. (Cowan and Cowan, 2000; Currant et al 2005).
During the first two years of life children develop close ties and attachments to caretakers and a sense of self. At this point parents need to provide constant supervision, enforce safety rules and explain the reasons behind them. Parents should praise children for following rules and in doing so, encourage them to remember and obey.
Parents should know their child’s temperament by now and should approach child rearing based on the child’s personality, activity, distractibility or curiosity and the level of monitoring required. This is also the time to eliminate dangers in the home like easy to reach chemicals, guns, medicine containers, colorful liquids and sharp objects.
By age two, most children have a speaking vocabulary of around two hundred words. These words mostly refer to objects and commands. They will learn rules that include not yelling at others, being a good listener and using the appropriate tone of voice. Language learning and literacy development are linked. Sensitive, patient and caring adults use additional techniques that promote language skills. When children use words incorrectly or communicate unclearly, such adults give helpful, explicit feedback.
Remember; if children are able to use language to express their feelings of happiness or unhappiness, fewer outbursts occur. By watching parents manage their feelings, children pick up strategies for regulating their own behavior. When parents rarely express positive emotions, dismiss children’s feelings as unimportant, or have difficulty controlling their own anger, children have problems managing their own psychological adjustment. Parents prepare children for difficult experiences by describing what to expect and ways to handle anxiety by offering age appropriate solutions.
When given regular feedback, children become sensitive to praise and to blame. Teach kids empathy (feeling with others) and pro-social, altruistic behaviors. Teach them how to comfort their friends and to understand the perspective of others. Teach them how to accept responsibility for their actions and to accept consequences. You want them to experience failure at an early age in order to develop coping skills. Social experiences along with cognitive development contribute to emotional understanding and self regulation. Cognitive development means changes that occur in intellectual abilities including attention, memory, imagination, problem solving, creativity and language development.
Angry and punitive parenting disrupts the development of empathy at an early age. When parents are warm and encouraging and show sensitive and caring concern, children notice this behavior. As children reach middle/jr. high school age, they will have a range of emotions and situations that will require strategies to manage crises. They will need skills to analyze how thoughts and emotions affect decision making and responsible behavior. At the same time they are beginning to evaluate how others express emotions toward them and what should be done during these interactions.
Teach them not to bully, not to join others in taunting, teasing and tormenting other children. Control their exposure to negative information that may come from media events, web access, misogynous lyrics in music and urban legends. Adolescence is a difficult time and the parent-child relationship changes because of the amount of time children spend with parents declines dramatically.
Despite these new concerns, child rearing becomes easier for parents who established an authoritative style during the earlier years. Reasoning is more effective when children recall consistency in their parents’ behavior. They know what to expect with regard to compliance. When parents communicate openly with children and engage in joint decision making, monitor from a distance, and offer support, children begin to respect parents’ knowledge. They will know how to navigate through adversity.
Applying what we know will encourage us to experiment and provide exposure to a rich social environment and build upon young children’s natural readiness to learn.
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