The 9 Worst Ex-Girlfriends

Everyone’s favorite person in the world: the ex. They can get under your skin and stir up bad feelings, play with your emotions and cause you a lot of grief in general.

Read on for a list of the different types you may have to deal with and remember: ex, never ever marks the spot.

9. The Pill Popping Party Animal

She’s gorgeous, well dressed, socially cohesive, and quite possibly the worst thing that ever happened to you. Her affinity for ecstasy driven sex binges are worthy of the finest R Kelly video. However, these pleasures will get you fired from work and failed out of the semester faster than you could imagine. Sex and drugs are a powerful combination. They can end your career and future in a heartbeat. It is mandatory to cut her off  and delete her existence completely. That girl is poison.

8. The Sex Ex

This is the one who pops into your head when you think that a nice hot cup of sex might put a band-aid over your current problems. But that, my friend, is a temporary solution at best. Let us take a serious look at the potential ramifications of your temporary pleasure… STD’s, pregnancy or being forced to watch the Notebook with her… We’d rather chew glass.

Now that our social lives are wired in, the stalker ex doesn’t have to physically follow you, stake out your apartment or send you crazy letters asking you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior (this seriously happened to a friend of mine) for the sake of your relationship which, beeteedubbayou, doesn’t exist anymore.

Instead, stalkers can IM you, tweet you, tag you, invite you, share with you, comment on you, mention you, friend you and a whole host of other annoying things that add a little extra drama to our online footprint. These are the dangerous ones, get a restraining order if need be. Rule of thumb: Never accept random people on your social media channels during the break up phase, it is 100% the ex stalking you out. Also, gentleman… we know some of you are guilty for this as well. May we suggest taking some charity driven initiatives or working in a soup kitchen with your newfound free time. Grow a set men.

6. The Sad Ex

This is the worst. How can you treat your ex nicely and do your best to make her feel as okay as possible about the break if that just leads her on? There’s no easy answer. God knows men have no clue how to deal with a woman’s emotions… Do we give you the awkward compassionate hug? A pat on the back? Please just make it stop.

This is usually the one that will claim she is depressed after your break-up and may even go as far as saying she is going to kill herself if you don’t take her back. Don’t believe her–it is just gypsy propaganda.

5. The Bitter Ex

She’s either really hurt and exploding with anger as a defense mechanism, or you did something pretty horrible during the relationship to make her that way. This was the girl who was one of the most passionate lovers you’ve ever had. That same fire you saw in between the sheets is the same fire that will burn you.

Steer clear, because hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn for rejection. Just look at Kobe’s Ex, she was so bitter she took half his money! And Tiger’s ex just demolished his $12m home…

4. The Aloof Ex

This person is like an oblivious dumbass who doesn’t understand why you split up despite the countless times you’ve explained it to them clearly and truthfully as you could. They keep talking to you out of compulsion and there never feels like an end in sight ‘til you’re both out of post-relationship limbo. We don’t have time for this nonsense…

3. The Ex Who Moved on Too Quickly

It’s the definition of frustration. Sometimes it takes a combination of meeting someone new and being unhappy with the person you’re already with to spark this. It could also result from girls or guys who are not self sufficient and crave relationships for companionship. Thus, they move from one person to another to keep escape feeling the emptiness they associate with the single life.

Apparently, someone hasn’t heard of “adult toys.” These ex-girlfriends are the worst of its type because they are the most spiteful and insecure. Beware! Don’t worry… She’s not heartless, just needy. You’ll be thankful you shook her in the long run. She could have been a clinger.

2. The Ex That Thinks They Can Have Everything (Still Wants to Be Friends)

Some people just don’t get that not every ex is meant to be your friend after your break up. In fact, most aren’t. Some will push and pull according to their own needs–refusing to understand why it might be unpleasant to be around them now that the dynamic of the relationship has changed.

1. The Logical, Appeals to Your Best Interests Ex

This is the rare one that understands you, understands themselves, and gives you both what you need to the best of her ability. She’s the type of ex that can actually become a friend somewhere down the line. This is the only woman that can remain emotionally logical throughout the situation. Keep her on the radar as she could come back into rotation. Elite advises not do this within 12 months of the initial break up. Be a man of your word.

Bonus: The One That Got Away

Everyone has one of these. This is the one that got away. The one you were supposed to have it all with. The one you planned on marrying and loved more than anything. This is the one that still pops up in your mind from time to time and will for the rest of your life. Maybe even on your son’s first birthday or your wedding day, she will keep popping into your mind.

This is the one you have nightmares about when you’re in bed with your new girlfriend. This is the worst ex-girlfriend, in our opinion. Be as wary as you can, as these are often unavoidable and will sting the most.

So now this leads us to the question: Which ex has been your worst ex so far?? (Feel free to share)